Hagrid, Cheese and the Southwest Freeway Target

 

I was in the dairy section and I was debating cheese.

In my mind, I’m wondering why Tillamook is more expensive than Kraft. And where does the Good Day brand fit into all this? It’s suspiciously and decidedly INexpensive.

Why am I in the Southwest Freeway Target for food anyway?

Hagrid. Wikimedia photo.

Just as I approach the butter, I hear a bellowing voice. “Hey brutha? Did ya hear how they got Saddam?” I turn around to see a portly fellow, dressed in green camouflage trousers with a yellow and white polo-style shirt, sans buttons. I’d never seen him before. He was grey-haired, wore glasses and had yellowing teeth. 

He was embarrassingly nice, but loud and unconcerned. Jolly and brazen. Scattered and specific all at once. I sized him up to be around my age, but older. I think everyone’s older than me.

“The Defense Department decided to drop Viagra on Iraq when they were searching for Saddam Hussein. Finally, the little prick showed up.” He laughed like Hagrid, the bearded guy in Harry Potter.

I was caught in a scenario that required careful navigation. Either stay silent and walk away, securing my place as one of those aloof arrogant jerks I’ve spent my life despising. Or acknowledge the joke and dishonestly laugh and communicate my jovial approval.

I came up with, “good one.”  Yeah, I know.

He stretched a huge smile that made his lips look like rubber bands before sauntering away behind his cart. I saw him in frozen foods a few minutes after, and later near the pasta sauces. We did not speak again.

In the end, I went with the Tillamook.